The worst nicknames in MMA

Following hot on the heels of my previous post, this is my list of the worst MMA nicknames. It is MUCH easier to find crappy nicknames in MMA and this post could quite easily be a 50 worst nicknames in MMA list. So as well as my top 10 I had to include some more that I found when I was looking into this subject because there are too many to mention and choosing which to leave out would be too hard. So I have come up with some categories of crapness outside the top 10 for your delight and delectation.

The top 10:
These nickames plain suck. They don’t work on any level (with one exception) and are all deserving of a spot in my hall-of-shame for godawful names.

  • Joe “j-lau” Lauzon.
    Taking his lead from Jennifer “J-Lo” Lopez = straight to the top of the crappy fight name list.
  • Brad “the hillbilly hearthrob” Imes.
    Not sure if he actually walks out to “Achey Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus. Maybe he should.
  • Justin “the insane one” Mccully.I’m crazy I am, totally insane. Seriously check me out fighting in cages, I must be nuts!!!
  • Nick “the carnie” Lentz.
    It’s true, them Carnies are weird looking folk. Austin Powers was afraid of two things, one of them was: “Carnies. Circus Folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.”
  • Tom “the filthy mauler” Lawlor.
    This is a borderline rapist/pervert name that would be given to a serial offender by the police on crimewatch. ‘We are on the lookout for the filthy maulor. Last seen fighting in the UFC”.
  • Ben “killa b” Saunders
    Handy fighter, shitty nickname. Also why the ‘street’ spelling of killer? Extra points deducted for failed attempt at being ‘urban’ and hip by mis-spelling words.
  • Joseph “the ho bag” Boshenek
    Sometimes no words are needed. This is one of those times. Oh and this guy is 0-10-0 in his MMA ‘career’.
  • Micheal “the count” Bisping
    Many deliberations as to what the meaning is behind this nickname. Some say it’s because he KO’d so many guys when he was kickboxing and they were “out for the count”. Some say it is because he is related in some way to a Polish Count. I say it is just an awful nickname.
  • Chris ” the crippler” Leben
    A pretty bad taste nickname. Unlikely to ever actually cripple anyone in the ring or cage but no doubt he hits hard. Possibly slightly better than his earlier nickname of “the cat smasher”. Yeah i know, me neither!
  • “the Dean of Mean” Keith Jardine
    I was torn for this one. It is sort of cool and crap at the same time. I like the idea of a “school of mean” and Keith would indeed make a good Dean of said school. He looks sort of creepy and menacing enough. But there’s too much rhyming…. and he looks horrible and awkward when he fights…. and he offends my eyes. So he makes the list.

Like I said earlier there were so many other nicknames that were bad enough to be included and I didnt want to leave out the best of the rest of the worst. So here they are:

The “where I’m from I’m a bad ass” nickname:
Scoring high on the suck-o-meter of nicknames, are those fighters who choose fight names that not only tell you how mega-awesome-and-tough they are, but also where they are from too.

  • “The New York Badass” Phil Baroni
    He even included bad-ass in the name, how bad-ass is that!! He went over and above the call of duty in bassery by getting a NYBA tattoo on himself, just incase we didn’t realise how badass he was! Did I mention that Phil is badass?
  • Tito “the huntington beach bad boy” Ortiz
    Old melon-head himself used to be the man, but his attitude and demeanour has ALWAYS sucked. Also I suspect he was never the baddest boy in huntington beach.
  • Tim “the Maine-iac” Sylvia
    Best fall from the top EVER! Tim is an ex-ufc champion and is now scratching around for fights in un-regulated states. Also got KTFO’d by an over the hill out of shape boxer. Hilarious, never liked him away. Oh he’s from Maine by the way, in case you didn’t get why he’s in this category.
  • Rob “the rosedale reaper” kimmons
    So mr Kimmons how many souls did you reap in the Kansas city backwater of Rosedale?? None?? Oh so the name is a bit shit then!
  • Mark “the Philippine wrecking machine” Munoz
    Imagine having a name like “wrecking machine” and then getting obliterated in your first UFC fight by a massive head kick. Wait….that happened? Damn, that has to suck!

Fighters with “tough-guy” nicknames that just don’t work:
OK so these are the fighters with self-proclaiming nicknames that are just….well crap really.

  • Ken “the worlds most dangerous man” Shamrock:
    This was never true, although if he changed his name now to “the worlds most washed up fighter” then I’d have to tip my hat to him. He may well be the no1 in the world for that. He is a still a legend and a pioneer who ruined his legacy by carrying on too long. Shame
  • Elvis “the king of rock n rumble” Sinosic:
    Trying far too hard here Mr Sinosic. I get the whole Elvis is the king of rock n roll reference, but it’s rubbish. Aiming far too high with declaring himself as a king, I would suggest “the Earl of mediocrity” or the “lord of lameness”? As an aside Elvis, would also probably win a crappest facial hair in MMA award for his patented “yellow stripe” (along with Tiki Ghosens “zebra” and Frank Mirs “pube chin“)

Fighters who have done the exact opposite…and it STILL doesn’t work:
OK so in my last post I said that just having a name like psycho-killer-face-ripper is lame. Some fighters appear to agree and have done the exact opposite, adopting some pretty camp girly nicknames. This is taking it to the extreme and it just doesn’t work for someone whose job description may include the words “cage fighter”. I’m not saying campness is wrong….but in MMA nicknames it ain’t right! Top 3 offenders:

  • Frank “Twinkle Toes” Trigg
    Apparently Frank enjoys painting his toe-nails. Score’s highly on the camp-o-meter this one!
  • Logan “the pink pounder” Clark
  • Lyle “fancy pants” Beerbohm
    You’ve got a frat boy surname (“beer-bomb”), but an uber-camp nickname. I get that you are undefeated in 13 fights and that’s impressive, but the name needs work

Nicknames with terrorist overtones:
A bit of a specialist category I will grant you. Two high-profile UFC fighters with Irish heritage have gone for slightly unsuitable and frankly ridiculous nicknames. Am I the only one that thinks it’s just a bit wrong? I’m talking to you Todd “the irish car bomb” Duffee and Marcus “the irish handgrenade” Davis.

The Ultimate nickname sin:
Any nickname with “assassin” in it automatically makes the shit-list. This is an undisputable fact of bad nicknames. I’m talking to everyone in this list

The Jim Carrey Connection:
Taking your MMA fighting name from characters Jim Carey has played in movies means you make my “worsties” list. I’m talking to you Jacob “Christmas” Volkmann (so named beacuse he has a haircut like Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber) and Rich “Ace” Franklin (so named because he looks like Jim Carrey who played Ace Ventura).

Any fighter taking the name “bad boy”, “bad ass” or similar:
Just as it says. This is nearly as bad as using Assassin in your fight name. Sort it out you lot Whilst on this subject I really wanted to include the Cage Rage promo of Jeremy “Badboy” Bailey vs Jason “Bad Ass” Barrett from way back. If anyone reads this and has a link to that vid please post it. It’s priceless!!

Crap nicknames that should be enforced:
My own little additions here while I’m on a roll.

  • James “the big kahuna” te huna One of my own, just because it would be awesomely awful.
  • Matt “the bald monkey” lindland Because that’s what Lee Murray nicknamed him when he called him out at Cage Rage once.
  • Chris “Mr” Tickle
    It turns out there is a fighter listed on sherdog with the surname of Tickle. So in tribute to my daughter who loves the Mr Men he should immediately be re-nicknamed “Mr” (which would be no bad thing seeing as he is on the previous offenders list by being nicknamed “Badboy”).

One comment on “The worst nicknames in MMA

  1. your forgetting my personal favourite shite nickname Alex ‘the reidanator’ Reid, not completely sure of my spelling on this one, but im sure you will agree, this nickname sucks, as does Alex Reid, who will come to realise this for himself when Tom Watson Pounds him into oblivion in front of his ugly wife.

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