The “other” Amber Nectar…Lyoto Machida’s secret weapon?


2008-01-09-urine_sample

I posted before that i think Lyoto Machida is quality, I also think he will become the UFC light-heavyweight champ by smashing Rashad Evans. Well it turns out that he has revealed one of his family secrets, giving an insight into a training regime ritual to Tatame magazine (link via mmaopinion.com): He drinks his own piss.

I did a little bit of googling around to read up on what the benefits of doing this could possibly be. Mainly because I’m geeky like that and also if a kick-ass kind of bloke like Machida is doing it, then maybe it’s what all the cool kids will be doing soon (and I like to know what the cool kids are doing, it lets me know exactly how un-cool I am!). So I turn to t’interweb for some good reasons as to why i should start my days with a nice warm cup of my own special home brew:

Although there is (surprise surprise) no scientific evidence to say that this is actually good for you, a tonne of anecdotal evidence exists advocating drinking piss, in fact folk have been doing it for years!

Even the God’s of various religions have ordered people to do it:
In Sunni Islam the prophet Muhammed is quoted as telling his flock to go drink the piss of a camel:

Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 71, Number 590:
“ Narrated Anas: The climate of Medina did not suit some people, so the Prophet ordered them to follow his shepherd, i.e. his camels, and drink their milk and urine (as a medicine). So they followed the shepherd that is the camels and drank their milk and urine till their bodies became healthy. Then they killed the shepherd and drove away the camels. When the news reached the Prophet, he sent some people in their pursuit. When they were brought, he cut their hands and feet and their eyes were branded with heated pieces of iron.[5] ”

Also the pee drinking population of the world like to quote this passage from the book of proverbs as a reason that God wants us to drink piss:
“Drink waters from thy own cistern, flowing water from thy own well”

Urine consists of mostly water and is completely sterile. The benefits of drinking your own brand (or “auto-urine therapy”) are said to include:

  1. Boost immune system
  2. Help stave off colds
  3. Good for skin conditions like eczema, psoriasis and Athletes foot
  4. Gargling can help toothache and gum disease and make teeth shiney and white.

Urine contains Urea which is a by product of the breakdown of protein. Urea is used commercially in loads of ways, including:

  1. An ingredient in some hair conditioners, facial cleansers, bath oils, and lotions 
  2. An ingredient in many tooth whitening products
  3. A cream to soften the skin, especially cracked skin on the bottom of one’s feet
  4. An ingredient in dish soap

Ok so that’s it then? Lyoto  (who is one of the best fighters in the UFC right now) is right and we’ve all been missing a trick. There’s evidence too, Number 2 use of Urea in the list above backs up the “great for your teeth” claim – and Machida does have a great set of pearly whites you have to agree! He also has a youthful complexion so that seems to back up the good for your skin claim and would suggest why it is used in face cleansers and creams. Not only that but it keeps him healthy and on top of his game, giving his immune system a vital boost. Last but not least God and Muhammed have told believers to do it!!

But before you shout “It’s Urine Therapy all the way for me. Pass me the plastic beaker” on the basis of what i have put here, let me tell you the flip-side:

Because despite all my extensive (15 mins on google and wikipedia) research on the subject and the overwhelming religious compulsion I have (*cough*) to catch my golden morning tinkle in a cup – making sure it’s mid-stream though, cos thats the good bit apparently – I wont be reaching for the sample container just yet. Why?

Because it is still piss. I love the smell of fresh coffee in the morning poured from the shiny new coffee machine at work. However my pee pee dont smell great like coffee and is poured from a much less inviting spout (well to me it’s uninviting, to the Mrs… well i digress :-)). Basically I dont want to start my mornings sipping down a concoction of fluid that has been brewing in my bladder throughout the night as that would undoubtedly lead to huge amounts of spewing and that kind of defeats the object of drinking it in the first place!

As for the “religious” reasons to drink it. Sheesh, where do i start? Firstly the bible: As ever the bible is fairly open to interpretation so any old mentalist can read something in it and twist it to justify what they do. Also if god tells us to “drink from our own cisterns” then why did jesus turn the water into wine? Why didnt he just drink a load of the water, wait a while and then piss in everyones cup! Problem solved and all the people at the feast would get nice shiney white teeth and lovely skin instead of getting drunk and probably throwing up in a street somewhere after telling him “iiii fffuckinn lurve u, urrrre my beshhhht mate you are jeeeebus”

As for the Sunni Muslims..Ok so drinking piss made them better, but the silly bastards shouldnt have killed the shepherd, that just made the whole thing worse. They were just sick before now they have no hands and feet and burnt eyes. I’m not gonna go kill a shepherd but it still isnt worth being a believer cos I’m dead forgetful and what would Prophet Muhammad do to me in the name of Allah if i forget to drink my morning pissy shake and revert back to my trusty old coffee instead? Cutting and burning is punishment for murder but Allah is a vengeful God if you go against his wishes and i reckon at the very least he’d get Muhammad to nick my old chap with a razor and hold a match to my pubes. No thanks mr Muhammad, not for me!

Also seeing as how Urea is already in my toothpaste and my facewash (urgh!) I see no reason in gargling piss and rubbing some on my face to sort my teeth and skin (which are ok anyway thank you very much!).

And last but not least here are some other commercial uses of Urea from the wikipedia list:

  1. A stabilizer in nitrocellulose explosives
  2. An additive ingredient in cigarettes, designed to enhance flavour
  3. A browning agent in factory-produced pretzels

Woah there…it’s used in explosives? Also, is there anything that isnt in cigarettes? Do they put cat hair and tramp sweat in them too? I bet if you check the ingredients they probably do!!
It’s also used as a browning agent for factory produced pretzels? We’ve known for ages about the pretzels in the bowl at the end of the bar….you dont eat them cos the fat bloke nursing a pint sat next to them definitely didnt wash his hands when he went for a piss. But now we find that one of the major ingredients of urine is in factory produced ones too. I always knew pretzels were evil anyway!

Good luck in your fight Lyoto, I hope the urine helps, but this is one bloke who is not gonna be convinced to follow your crazy methods no matter how white your teeth are and how much ass you kick!

(note: i cant be arsed to source all my information. If you really wanna check what ive written, go google it)

Advertisements

One comment on “The “other” Amber Nectar…Lyoto Machida’s secret weapon?

  1. Yuk,if wee was that good for you why would your body get rid of it as waste ! I am very glad to hear you won’t be starting your day with a warm cup of wee,we may have had to have had an important ‘talk’ about our relationship lol if i caught you taking a mug into the bathroom and especially not my mug!xxx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s